'She's just somebody I used to know'
I am writing this as an opinion post as it's Sunday and hopefully readers will have some free-time to engage in something a little different, as I like to mix things up now and again. This article was written a while ago after reading a piece in a well known fashion magazine on the prejudice imposed on single women by women in couples, or to borrow from Bridget Jones 'Smug Marrieds'. It got me debating with my partner the full implications of another social pariah, 'the young divorcee'. The 'young divorcee' in particular can be even more vulnerable, going from being invited to dinner parties and fun nights out to 'let's meet up for coffee next week' only to receive at the last minute, a very tepid text 'Sorry can't do Wed, somethings come up'. Yes, something has come up and I call it the 'Divorcee Disease'.
Now I have seen a few BFFs gradually retreat for the hills from the 'Friend That Got Divorced', who seem to believe that close, regular contact will result in contracting said disease therefore feeling threatened and worrying about the preservation of their own marriages. The young divorcee soon learns of this fear from social networking sites, where said BFFs post their status 'Wonderful dinner with Charlotte and Mike, Rich and Kelly. Great food, great friends'. Well, said 'Friend That Got Divorced' realises she is no longer dinner party material and BFF couples learn quickly to evolve into the 'friend' that drops in occasionally then fade into the acquaintance that texts "Must catch up soon, it's been ages...".
My point is that 'coupledom' shouldn't make your friends whom you have known since school and have shared many important life experiences together fear your presence now you are divorced and start acting as if they are terrified that they are about to have their husband stolen away from them. Perhaps they envisage that their young newly divorced friend will somehow bewitch their man and make a new and exciting couple, resulting in them being the 'placeless friend' who is left with financial burdens and the kids?
Here is the real truth of the divorced friend. She already feels like a failure, an outcast, who only needs a hug occasionally and the support of her friends and to feel included. Men, well they are definitely not on her list, so please don't try to compartmentalise your friends just because they have changed their relationship status. Divorce is not something you contract, it is just a sad fact of life.